I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
