Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize