I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
