so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
