you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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