you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
