Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
