i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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