It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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