This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
