I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
