please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
