I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
