I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
