i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
