i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
4 words: hood of his car
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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