I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
