You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
