i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
