i don't like sucking hair
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dicks are not precious.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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