Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
