I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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