my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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