he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Randomize
