He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
