I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
