guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
