Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
