so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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