onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
