The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
