somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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