there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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