I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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