The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
