An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
