You can't motorboat a personality
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Found your dick twin last night
3pm strippers are depressing
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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