i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
