i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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