She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
