i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize