Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
