You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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