Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
