nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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