clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
