Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
