My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
