All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
