Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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