"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
How does one acquire holy water?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize