i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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