don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
