Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just invented taco cereal.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
