Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
