It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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