it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
