she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
