i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There r osticjed everywhere
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize