Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
