the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
