I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Hippo gnu deer
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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