We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We are two peas in an std pod
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
