life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
