I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
