I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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