That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I am naked and annoyed.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
