I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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