I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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