dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize