nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You are the jesus of drinking
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
