Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
