I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
