i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
