New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
