So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
