Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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