hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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