Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
