If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
