Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
