i think i have two assholes
you win again, gameday.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
