I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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