So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
