wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
