I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
