I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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