so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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