Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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