pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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