You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
