I hate your face
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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