he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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