I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize