it wasn't lemon gatorade
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
