Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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