Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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