I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
