I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
