Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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