We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
