a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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