I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
