I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
