I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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