I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
