I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
